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Experiencing refusal, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is declining your work, delivering a firm “Nope.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I began pitching articles five decades ago, upon completing my studies. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and many short stories. During the recent two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I get a setback frequently—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Overall, denials in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. As, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

For perspective: At this point, nearly each individual and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never counted my success rate—that would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, a publication rejected 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses rejected my memoir proposal before a single one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives rejected a project. An editor requested that I send articles less often.

My Steps of Rejection

When I was younger, every no stung. I felt attacked. It was not just my work was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would they be blind to my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely it’s the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and your publication is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, then self-blame. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Company

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was initially declined are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his youth squad. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had been defeated in races. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my later years, I reached the seventh stage of setback. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. To begin with, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one in progress, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the editor feels I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my submission hastily to see its value.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are permanently not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are under your control. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my grammar, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in publications big and little, in regional, worldwide sources. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for 50 years.

However, no bestsellers, no author events at major stores, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can better accept rejection at this stage, because my, humble successes have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can now be reflective about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but when you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what teachings have I acquired?

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